Burn After Reading

Dear Daughter

You are going to break your promise. I understand. And I hold my hands over the ears of my heart, so that I will not hate you.
Catherynne M. Valente, Deathless

I too loved a man once, slowly and deliberately like the passage of time. It was in his absence that I learnt what it means to love myself. He taught me the meaning of goodbye without ever uttering it. How some apologies are just taken, not given. I forgave him before he ever made me shed one tear. I loved him with all the unfulfilled promises he’d ever make. He made a storm out of me, I loved him with all the sunny days I had above my shoulders. He taught me how forever is always slower than imagined, how a lifetime takes too long. I would have loved him through all the lifetimes the gods have to spare. But each day always seemed to last too long, and we can only get away with losing some parts of ourselves in others, not the whole.

Now I can only make promises in unfinished sentences, and can only give my heart to that which has the power to consume me whole and leave me standing still.

Because I too learned what it means to love someone with all the pieces of yourself unaccounted for by those who could not stay.

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4 thoughts on “Dear Daughter

  1. “and can only give my heart to that which has the power to consume me whole and leave me standing still.”
    Awesome line, Clueless. But mind sharing what you were referring to here?

    Like

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